im laughing so much a group of really loud boys sat down next to us in mcdonalds and one of them just picked up his burger and said to his friends “i bet i can put this whole thing in my mouth” and my mom turned to me and said “well we know who the gay one is” and they heard her and none of them have said a word since
hearing yourself sing in the shower and wondering why the hell you haven’t made an album yet
nothing makes me more sad and mad than seeing the nicest people being treated like crap
on a scale of fake pockets to nachos how good is your idea
The only valentine I need
I took a photo of a fucking steak in the store and put it on the internet and now almost 16 thousand people have it on their blogs, I wonder whoever has this steak knows how famous it is. I bet this cow is in cow heaven wearing sunglasses and shunning the other cows because now a piece of his fucking body is on 16 thousand people’s blogs. I need to sit down for a minute.
a homeless guy just said to me “do you tell jokes to make people laugh or to make people think you’re funny” and that is the most profound shit ive ever experienced
"why do people choose between pepsi and coke, they both taste the same"